Happiness in Loneliness

It's been so long since I last write my blog. There has been so much happening for the past 4 years. I got a job and then quit after two years working. Then I slowly turning into a more boring person ever. I shut people down and pull myself out of almost every situation. I never show up anymore, I simply isolate myself. I quit my job because I thought it was the right thing to do, or at least it did feed my ego. I felt so unappreciated and disgusted by these chatty people I used to work with. And then back at the end of 2022 and start of 2023, I just experienced another heartbreak. In which I thought I would've never encountered such humiliation ever again after what happened in 2021. Funny. How stupid can I be. Two years later I might want to marry the person who did this to me. It's a lot to process. I'm so attached to people I'm comfortable with. But I have no idea what makes them feel important to me. While I'm typing this, I'm unemployed, sad, depressed...

by 𝓈𝓎 Dear love, I might not the one that you wished for Not even close Perhaps I'm the one that you wished  you could get away from But here I am now, Beside you, holding hands I put my head on your shoulder And you hug me warmly Isn't it confusing? You would spend your whole life with me someday Even though marriage is not my thing But if it's you that asked me for, Never in a million years I would deny it Dear love, We would make the best teammate that earth could have! You and I Are meant for each other Someday In the future I make this poem by myself While hoping that someday, Whoever you are, I would be your warm-sunny day yet would be your cold-rainy day either I'll forever be loving you

by 𝓈𝓎 Love, They said outside is insane Lunatic figures all around Liars laughed irresistably They said people will hurt you, by acts, or words Light, They clearly don't deserve you Lies and betrayals will twist you hard No one is worth your soul! They won't understand you either All because you're one of a kind Life, Close yourself deeply! Everyone shouldn't know Your pure heart, bright and tremendous kindness Unless they could cherish you undoubtedly Yet sweetheart, Choose someone special The one you've never be amazed Not because his flawless look or glamorous life But see what he values in you And thus, You're no longer trapped now, Lovely Dove

by 𝓈𝓎 How could you? Hurt me with all your attention Yet stabbing me behind my back Manipulate me with your beautiful lies How dare you? Ask me to keep you company But all you can do Is just tearing me apart I'm so done with you There'll be no longer "us" Not a wonderful ending Only scars left We will never be something or anything We're just... Memories that will never be complete I said that you'd always have my back That was my biggest mistake I could never forgive you I could never forgive myself either You wrecked me Harder than before Forgetting what I've done to you Like it was never happened

by 𝓈𝓎 I'm lost, drowning in my own thoughts Thinking it was the fairest Thus the fact, the demon controlled it, raped it I need a guide, the one who will show me To the light; the one I've never been amazed of, be touched by the heart of, be taught by the sincerity I learned, that I was trapped by the dark Guessing it was the brightest star They fooled me! Oh, why don't I realize it sooner? I keep wondering I have no words, yet I realized something, curiosity, That is what people always tell me! I built my own weapon Only to impress the eyes I'll try, to not betraying them this time, my most loved ones The God, Prophets,... They have balanced me, NO, not only me! ...all of us...

by Robert Frost Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

by Maya Angelou A free bird leaps on the back of the wind and floats downstream till the current ends and dips his wing in the orange sun rays and dares to claim the sky. But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage can seldom see through his bars of rage his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing. The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom. The free bird thinks of another breeze and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn and he names the sky his own But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing. The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on t...

“Never marry at all, Dorian. Men marry because they are tired, women, because they are curious: both are disappointed.”  ― Oscar Wilde , The Picture of Dorian Gray Some of my readers would think this topic is ridiculous since it is very common here in Indonesia to get married in their golden ages remembering the society seems to push the idea of marriage anyway. But I always asked myself whether I wanted to be married or not, while my answers mostly no (well, I don't know if someone might change my mindset years to come). I know that there are pros&cons and I don't mind if anyone wants to state his arguments towards mine, please feel free to say anything in the comment section down below. Thus, according to a website called Psychology Today, marriage is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official, and permanent . It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death , but in practice is often cut short by separation ...

by Jennifer I want to run, I want to hide From all the pain he caused inside. I want to scream, I want to cry. Why can't I tell him goodbye? I want to move on;  I just can't let go. I love him more than he will ever know. I want to start over, I want to feel free! But this pain will never leave me be. He hurt me bad; the pain is deep From all the promises he couldn't keep. All the lies I heard him say Are in my head and just won't fade. How can I forget him, leave him behind? Erase the memories from my mind? He doesn't love me, and he never will. He will never care how I feel.

by Olive Walters Life is a journey A journey of time Where a heart needs another To give it a shine We're all on a journey With two paths to take One that is right And the one that can break With many a setback We'll find hard to bear It's love and true friendship That will help us to care For a heart that is lonely Can fill up with strain Like a plant that can wither Without sun and rain So together when sharing Surely we'll find it's the treasure of life That can give peace of mind

by Robert Browning Escape me? Never Beloved! While I am I, and you are you, So long as the world contains us both, Me the loving and you the loth While the one eludes, must the other pursue.  My life is a fault at last, I fear: It seems too much like a fate, indeed! Though I do my best I shall scarce succeed. But what if I fail of my purpose here? It is but to keep the nerves at strain, To dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall, And, baffled, get up and begin again, So the chance takes up one's life ' that's all.  While, look but once from your farthest bound At me so deep in the dust and dark, No sooner the old hope goes to ground Than a new one, straight to the self-same mark, I shape me Ever Removed!

by Tim J. Myers Every working day I pass a tulip tree on yellow grass and strain to see, when it appears, petals out this time of year. Even our southern winter’s strong– it hunkers down and won’t move on: A sky that presses close its gray; chilling drizzle day by day; dark roofs ranked as far as sight can make them out in dreary light; the city’s business, lusterless, car and bank, store and bus. Even as we rush about, we settle in to wait it out; the whole world sighs and mutters Winter– except this small and frail dissenter who seems to have her signals crossed– stands half-splendid, half at loss, and throws out from each kindling branch blossoms whiter than a trance. Winter has its point to press; like everyone, I acquiesce. So why be caught by such a thing– one little fool who thinks it’s spring?

by Carter Davis Johnson My candle burns at both ends Late into the night, And flickers fast, And bounces in my sight. My pen lies docile in my hand. The page is silent now. My eyes transfix; My thoughts do mix; The flame moves like her gown. I see her sway In silken dress When we were by the bay. Around her curves The silk moves slow As night approaches day. Through the curtains Runs the breeze, Warm and salty too. It grabs her gown, A slow sweet sound, And plays with waves of blue. Then she fades Into the flame That pulls me back tonight. It flickers on; My pen moves on; It burns into the night. Carter Davis Johnson is an English major and cadet at the Virginia Military Institute. He grew up in Roanoke, Virginia.

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1. FIDYA  Ya, nama lengkapnya Fidya Ilma Fazhira. Dia kenalan pertama gue loh waktu masuk kelas 7.2 . Panggilannya banyak banget -__- Bisa " PITYA, PIDYA, PID, PIT " Dia ini awalnya gue pikir pendiem banget. Soalnya ya, pertama kali itu gue duluan yang negor dia. Dia sama sekali sedikit banget ngeluarin kata - katanya. Wkwk :D tapi anaknya lucu kok lucu. Asik. Eh iya follow ya @fidyafzhr atau engga twitter baru nya aja @fidyafazhira1. Fidya sahabat gue yang paling baik & pengertian. Waktu dia kena tipes, gue yang paling merasa kehilangan dia. Dia punya riwayat tipes 2x kata mamanya. Yaudah, Fidya... Jangan tipes lagi ya.. Cepet sembuh.. Miss youuu :* {} *hugs* 2. LULUK Dan yang kedua ini namanya Luluk Arifatul Safitri. Dia pinter lho! Senengannya Si Daffuq. Hihihi :D . Gue sering manggil dia "LOLOK" wkwk :D Banyak yang bilang gue sama dia itu mirip. Tapi setelah gue bedain fotonya dia dengan foto gue, menurut gue bedaaaa. Cakepan Luluk kok (y)...

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