It's been so long since I last write my blog. There has been so much happening for the past 4 years. I got a job and then quit after two years working. Then I slowly turning into a more boring person ever. I shut people down and pull myself out of almost every situation. I never show up anymore, I simply isolate myself. I quit my job because I thought it was the right thing to do, or at least it did feed my ego. I felt so unappreciated and disgusted by these chatty people I used to work with.
And then back at the end of 2022 and start of 2023, I just experienced another heartbreak. In which I thought I would've never encountered such humiliation ever again after what happened in 2021. Funny. How stupid can I be. Two years later I might want to marry the person who did this to me. It's a lot to process. I'm so attached to people I'm comfortable with. But I have no idea what makes them feel important to me.
While I'm typing this, I'm unemployed, sad, depressed, unappreciated, guilty, sinful, sinful, dirty, and lost. I'm simply lost in my own circle. I don't take care of my body, my mind, my soul. I live like an animal, brainless. I felt bad to my dad and brothers at home. Sometimes I could think the most scary scenario about I come back to home, but sometimes it felt so right to be at home. The last time I come back home, it wasn't bad as I pictured before. Home feels a bit "fresh". But of course I can't. I don't know how to explain it.
