the marriage thing

“Never marry at all, Dorian. Men marry because they are tired, women, because they are curious: both are disappointed.” 

― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Some of my readers would think this topic is ridiculous since it is very common here in Indonesia to get married in their golden ages remembering the society seems to push the idea of marriage anyway. But I always asked myself whether I wanted to be married or not, while my answers mostly no (well, I don't know if someone might change my mindset years to come). I know that there are pros&cons and I don't mind if anyone wants to state his arguments towards mine, please feel free to say anything in the comment section down below.
Thus, according to a website called Psychology Today, marriage is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official, and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death, but in practice is often cut short by separation or divorce. By seeing the meaning itself was making me a bit impressed yet mixed-up at the moment. The bold ones mean the most astonishing words in a marriage concept (at least for me). Since I'm not a so-loyal person, I tend to think the word "long-term" or "permanent" relationship is kind of unusual. Not saying that I never see myself being in that sort of thing, but you know I'm not really a committal person. I love having my own freedom where I can do whatever I want without anyone I love restrains it as long as I don't go beyond the borderline. I believe in one religion and I want to stick with it for the rest of my life, even though I am not the best one to avoid all the sins but still, the prohibitions are pretty much clear and I have to prevent myself from it as much as possible. I can't bear with a guy whose controlling me from doing my activities that probably will distract my relationship. I know it may sound selfish, but isn't it too much for someone to keeping you for himself? And I don't think I sound selfish because if we're being honest, we have our own lives and perhaps he won't end up being our soulmate anyway (lol).
Marriage concept for me should be like a mutualism symbiotic where both parties honor each other the same. Husband and wife are from two different backgrounds and they don't merge only themselves but also their whole families. It is a hard task considering people can be sensitive sometimes and no one has the same traits as well. Since I'm a family-oriented and very much respecting my family tradition such as gathering for Eid Fitr&Eid Adha Mubarak or New Year's Eve (not so often as my childhood) which we don't celebrate it actually, but you know the bonding itself is more important. Even though I'm down to family kinds of stuff, I still don't think that marriage is in my to-do list. For some people, it may be a life goal especially in the golden ages; young adult, yet we have different sets of goals though. What I really want to obtain in my youth is living my best life by working, stay productive, traveling (maybe?), helping people who need my skills or abilities, raising kids (it is completely alright for me for not having my own kids) cause every kindness is a charity and I don't want to see them feel disconnected from their surroundings just because their parents aren't as responsible as others'. It is their parents' lost not theirs and they didn't ask to be born in this cruel world, the mother and father did invite them as the results of having sex. I've ever said these reasons to my uncle's housemaid which I really close to and she replied to me that the feelings of having our own child would be different from adopting one. It came out from a mother of two biological kids from the village and I was totally fine with it because I knew that they still embraced the customs of pregnancy after married. The only annoying part of that was just she convinced her viewpoint on me which wasn't born on 60s-90s. I was obviously can't relate to her opinions also I've never changed my perspectives even since then. 
Kids are pure and loving creatures, if they love us they won't lie. Otherwise, they will show us the truest meaning of caring and loving others in a very beautiful way. And for those kids who don't live with their own parents (orphans), don't you ever feel lonely cause literally you all are the luckiest stars in the universe. You all are carrying yourselves for living without burdening anyone. And for those couples who haven't had a child, please there are lots of kids who need you. You just have to see it clearer and be empathetic for your own sake. God doesn't punish you, he's just testing you with your patience and he has a good reason for it. Start with yourselves then you can apply it to your children. Make the world worths to live in, a better place. In addition, you don't have to feel like you're failed to be a mother because you are worth every sacrifice you've done.

“I don't want to be married just to be married. I can't think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can't talk to, or worse, someone I can't be silent with.”

― Mary Ann Shaffer, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

Some Indonesian couples are married to satisfy their lust on sex only, while in fact, they're slightly not in good finance and mental conditions which may cause abandonments for both sides. Their lack of understanding of marriage concept itself could slowly destroy them apart. A marriage shall be done once for life (if they've already had the right partner) however not everyone is loyal and committal. They should've realized that being married is a very serious step which they have to love their only partner until death do they part. It will also ask you to be a good friend for each other so they both will constantly talk about anything that happened in their life without making one person feel disturbed. Good communication will lead them to gain their sympathy. Otherwise, if they're being married to someone they don't want to connect with or someone they don't completely love, it will ruin their trust on marriage, self-esteem and their partner's desires. Therefore, I'm not sure if I can do that because for me it's not easy to find someone who fits with my way of thinking. I'm afraid that he would find me hard to understand while I was giving him all of my efforts and times.

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” 

― Friedrich Nietzsche

“It’s probably not just by chance that I’m alone. It would be very hard for a man to live with me, unless he’s terribly strong. And if he’s stronger than I, I’m the one who can’t live with him. … I’m neither smart nor stupid, but I don’t think I’m a run-of-the-mill person. I’ve been in business without being a businesswoman, I’ve loved without being a woman made only for love. The two men I’ve loved, I think, will remember me, on earth or in heaven, because men always remember a woman who caused them concern and uneasiness. I’ve done my best, in regard to people and to life, without precepts, but with a taste for justice.” 

― Coco Chanel

When people are married while they're working or studying and in their best vigor, it will slightly distract them. What has happened in Indonesia is that people are more interested in other's privacy life; relationship status than education or experiences. Not intending to generalize all people, but most of them are just like that. Questions like "kapan nikah?" is still very popular among us. Knowing that the era has changed, I slowly believe that my purpose isn't just being man's wife yet I wanted to educate myself with all the information available in front of me and obtain a master degree thus I won't look like a foolish woman. Nowadays, women empowerment are a serious step and task for women around the world and I really want to be a part of it although I don't exactly include in the movement. I also think that my family; dad and two brothers, is enough for me at the moment to love and be loved.

“Marriage can wait, education cannot.” 

― Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns

All those reasons and parables are not intending to tie anyone and all of them are fully my points and no compulsion. If you don't or won't have the same viewpoint as I do, it's fine and no one forces it either. See you in my next post!